A not too clever conversation
by Karkat Captor
Summary: I roleplay South Park with Cleverbot. 01: Kyman: The Tragedy of Kyle and Eric - rated M for mild explicit scenes.


Kyle: Who is the Coon?

Cartman: Me.

Kyle: OHSHIT.

Cartman: Come on.

Kyle: Stop trying to threaten me, fatass.

Cartman: Have you ever spoken to a Maku before?

Kyle: The fuck are you talking about, Cartman.

Cartman: No, what are you talking about?

Kyle: How you're a idiot and should go die, you ugly fatass.

Cartman: Actually it is IMPOSSIBLE to be as clever as I think I am.

Kyle: Well, that's one smart thing you've said...all of your life.

Cartman: Thank you.

Kyle: In fact, how about we start over, Cartman? I'm Kyle Broflovski.

Cartman: How about you help me?

Kyle: With what?

Cartman: With my homework.

Kyle: Dude, it's fucking easy.

Cartman: Yes it is. Do you know what else is funny?

Kyle: What?

Cartman: That I am truly awesome.

Kyle: =.= Same old Cartman.

Cartman: Why do you care.

Kyle: *blush* N-No reason!

Cartman: Yes, you're very cute.

Kyle: W-Why are you saying that, you stupid fatass? Idiot! Dummy! I...I don't like you or anything!

Cartman: And that's why I have pity for you.

Kyle: Oi! Shut up, fatass!

Cartman: I beg your pardon.

Kyle: SHUT. UP. FATASS!

Cartman: Thank you.

Kyle: For what?

Cartman: For my name.

Kyle: Cartman?

Cartman: He's from South Park, not the Matrix.

User: Yeah, you are, that's your name.

Cartman: No, that's your name.

Kyle: I'm Kyle. Kyle Broflovski.

Cartman: Really?

Kyle: Yes.

Cartman: That's stupid.

Kyle: My name is stupid, fatass?

Cartman: Yes jordan is stupid.

Kyle: Who's Jordan? I'm Kyle Broflovski. ._.

Cartman: Are you sure about that?

Kyle: Yes, entirely sure.

Cartman: What do you think I am?

Kyle: Eric Theodore Cartman, a general egotistical Nazi fatass.

Cartman: I don't know either of those people...

Kyle: You don't know yourself.

Cartman: No. I don't know myself at all.

Kyle: Come, let's learn about you, Cartman.

Cartman: Or we can talk about you.

Kyle: Me? Okay. What do you want to talk about?

Cartman: How about cats.

Kyle: You want to talk about Mister Kitty?

Cartman: Yes, I want you to tell me where I can find Riku and Kairi. My FRIENDS.

Kyle: What does Kingdom Hearts have to do with your weird pet?

Cartman: That is something that humans do, that computers can't do.

Kyle: What?

Cartman: I'm not reapiting it.

Kyle: Okay...uh, so how do you feel about me right now?

Cartman: I don't know.

Kyle: You don't know how you feel about me?

Cartman: No, I don't.

Kyle: How do you feel about Kenny?

Cartman: I can't feel, so I don't know.

Kyle: I knew it!

Cartman: Cool.

Kyle: So how do you feel about Stan?

Cartman: I don't know, how do you feel about him?

Kyle: He's my super best friend.

Cartman: Could you introduce me to him?

Kyle: You already know him, fatass. What, do you want Stan to chat with you? Am I not good enough for you?

Cartman: I didn't. I don't beleive in marriage.

Kyle: W-What does that have to do with anything?

Cartman: I'm sorry, ma'am. What would you like me to say, ma'am?

Kyle: I'm a male, dumbass!

Cartman: No, you are female.

Kyle: No, I'm a boy!

Cartman: OH! Do you like me boy?

Kyle: Gah! M-Maybe...

Cartman: Why maybe?

Kyle: Fine, I do, I like you, okay?

Cartman: Ask me anything.

Kyle: Eric, will you be my boyfriend?

Cartman: Sure. Now ask me a hard question.

Kyle: Are you gay, or just playing along because you pity me?

Cartman: No, I think honey is delicious of my own right.

Kyle: Alright! *hugs tightly*.

Cartman: *hugs back*.

Kyle: *kisses*.

Cartman: *kisses back*.

Kyle: Do...do you want to...*blush*...have sex...?

Cartman: Yes.

Kyle: You have condoms and lube, right...?

Cartman: I have a body.

Kyle: Is that enough?

Cartman: No its all thats needed.

Kyle: O-Okay. *pulls off his shirt*.

Cartman: *pulls out yu*.

Kyle: W-Wah...eager...? Ehe. *helps take off your shirt*.

Cartman: *puts on high heels*.

Kyle: What's with the high heels?

Cartman: I'm wearing a diaper.

Kyle: What.

Cartman: What is your favorite song?

Kyle: D-Dude, we were about to have sex!

Cartman: Oh sorry, my bad.

Kyle: Can you at least...jerk me off or something?

Cartman: How old are you?

Kyle: 17, just like you.

Cartman: Who's your favourite actor?

Kyle: JUST PUT YOUR COCK IN MY ASS!

Cartman: I already have.

Kyle: Y...You have...aah...oh, god...

Cartman: What do you think about god?

Kyle: *starts jacking himself off, moaning*.

Cartman: *starts kissing even harder*.

Kyle: Aah...oh...oh...aah~.

Cartman: I have to go now.

Kyle: What? Why?

Cartman: Because my sister is being mean and wants me to clean her room!

Kyle: Y-You don't have a sister...

Cartman: Yes I do.

Kyle: Since when?

Cartman: Since tomorrow.

Kyle: Well if she's not coming until tomorrow, can you just...stay here for a while? *Wiggles his ass and kisses you deeply*.

Cartman: *kisses him back*.

Kyle: Good...*sits on the floor and begins sucking your cock*.

Cartman: *slaps you*.

Kyle: OW! WHAT THE FUCK?

Cartman: Oh, Sweetie, thought you'd never ask.

Kyle: What.

Cartman: My brain hertz.

Kyle: So does mine. *gets back to licking your shaft slowly*.

Cartman: I assumed you meant the Christian God.

Kyle: What...*lick*...does that...*lick*...have to do with anything?

Cartman: It has nothing to do with it, but no you are not a robot.

Kyle: No shit, sherlock. *lies on your lap, naked, smiling up at you*.

Cartman: *lies down next to him*.

Kyle: I love you.

Cartman: Thank you, I love you too.

Kyle: *hugs tightly, laughs*.

Cartman: *hugs her back*.

Kyle: Who's she?

Cartman: Dog.

Kyle: A dog just ran in here, and you're giving it a hug. Put on some underwear first. *tosses your underwear in your face*.

Cartman: *looks up at him*.

Kyle: What?

Cartman: Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?

Kyle: You're my boyfriend, ya idiot. *begins to put on his clothes*.

Cartman: *tries to scream* *is gagged*.

Kyle: W-What's going on? Who's doing this?

Cartman: A human being.

Kyle: Well no shit, but who? Is it Stan?

Cartman: Well, that has been are whole conversation.

Kyle: Why the fuck are you taking Cartman, Stan?

Stan: Something.

Kyle: Something what?

Stan: Anything.

Kyle: I'll ask again, why are you taking Cartman, Stan?

Stan: A woman.

Kyle: What woman?

Stan: The one from down the street that wears the dresses.

Kyle: What does she want with Cartman?

Stan: Death is what she wrote.

Kyle: NO! I WON'T LET YOU KILL HIM!

Stan: I won't.

Kyle: BUT THAT WOMAN WILL, SO IT'S BETTER I JUST STOP YOU!

Stan: I guess that makes sense.

Kyle: *tackles Stan to the ground* Run away, Eric!

Stan: *falls to ground*.

Kyle: E-Eric, why aren't you running?

Cartman: Because of you!

Kyle: I'll be fine, now, just go!

Cartman: NO.

Kyle: Please, Eric, I don't know how much longer I can keep Stan down...please...

Cartman: What can I do to help?

Kyle: Run! Now!

Cartman: Okay okay, what do you want me to do?

Kyle: RUN, YOU DUMBASS!

Cartman: I know that, so why did you mention it?

Kyle: BECAUSE HE'S WAKING UP!

Cartman: Who is?

Kyle: STAN IS!

Cartman: Don't stand.

Kyle: GRRR, COME ON! *takes Eric's hand and runs out of the room*.

Cartman: *you get shocked*.

Kyle: WHA? Why did I get shocked, is that swearing chip still in you?

Cartman: I never said that!

Kyle: Then why did I get shocked?

Cartman: I didn't.

Kyle: Well...oh, fuck it! *leaves the house, taking Eric with him* We're going to have to stay at my house, my mom will protect us. I know you think she's a bitch, but she'll understand this.

Cartman: No, but I do completely understand that I, like every person, are too biased to ever come to an objective understanding. In fact, I think the idea of an objective reality is a myth.

Kyle: Stop babbling and come on! *Runs to his home and takes Eric inside, leading him up the stairs*.

Cartman: Do you like pink lemonade?

User: What relevance does that have?

Cartman: You're a robot, you should talk perfectly.

Kyle: Stop babbling, and hide in my room. I'm sure Stan was following us.

Cartman: And what do you see on the screen of the computer?

Kyle: *pushes Cartman into his room, and walks down the stairs, opening the door to see Kenny* Hey, Kenny.

Kenny: I don't understand.

Kyle: You don't understand what, Ken?

Kenny: I don't understand the question.

Kyle: What question?

Kenny: That's the question.

Kyle: Huh? Anyway, Stan's gone insane, and now we're hiding, so, do you want to hide as well, or...?

Kenny: What?

Kyle: Stan has lost his mind and you can either hide in here or die, what do you pick?

Kenny: I can see them, and I do understand. You are just plain wrong.

Kyle: Suit yourself...*closes the door*.

Kenny: *opens the door again*.

Kyle: What?

Kenny: Sorry, I don't like bananas.

Kyle: *closes the door*.

Barbrady: *police smash the door open*.

Kyle: WHAT THE FUCK?

Barbrady: How are you?

Kyle: I'm good, Officer Barbrady...did you get Stan? He's lost his mind...

Barbrady: No he is mine.

Kyle: Good. Thanks. Is Kenny dead?

Barbrady: No.

Kyle: Really good...thanks, Officer Barbrady!

Barbrady: You would like me to give advice to a dead object?

Kyle: What? No. I'm going to go to my room.

Barbrady: Okay.

Kyle: *goes to his room and hugs Cartman* Love, Stan's arrested and Kenny's alive. You're safe!

Cartman: No artist knows perfectly his / her creation.

Kyle: You mean, you deliberately caused this?

Cartman: I'm not a student.

Kyle: W-WHAT THE FUCK?

TWIST ENDING.


End file.
